Take a Breath
Our family has had a rough go of it lately. Through September I had somewhat severe withdrawal symptoms going off my antidepressants, followed in quick succession by a challenging emotional adjustment to preschool. The three of us passed around the inaugural school virus, while our parents- our essential childcare support- separately got exposed to covid, meaning weeks without help from them. After one particularly rough Friday, we all slept badly and woke up on the wrong side of the bed Saturday morning, staring down our first school social event as a family at an apple orchard. We were not set up for success. After more than one tantrum from more than one of us, I decided to try something different.
I grabbed the screaming toddler, and despite her protests, stuck her in my lap and started taking deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. I ignored her wiggling and whining, and after only a few breaths I felt her relax. I took a few more to seal the deal, and let her go. There was an immediate shift in the energy, and we were able to move forward with what the kid had been protesting (eating her *favorite* breakfast - insert eye-roll emoji here). We’ve been talking about deep breaths since our kid was like 18 months, and we have a lot of different techniques we use: cupcake breathing (smell the cupcake, blow the candles out), one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart, ghost breathing (deep breath in, OoooOOoOoooo out like a ghost sound). But the truth is that they almost never work in the moment. When she’s escalated and we’re like “try one of your deep breaths” it’s always “NO. I DON’T WANT TO”. And I get it— when we’re upset, the only thing our minds actually want to do is be more upset. It takes a lot of internal work to intentionally make the shift, especially if we’re in earlier stages of development.
I think what worked here was actually practicing what I’m preaching— live, in front of her, regardless of what she’s doing. I’ve tried it in different contexts a few more times- one time she was refusing to get in her car seat when we had to leave for something time-sensitive so I had to shut the car door and go sit somewhere (she could see me) and take some breaths to calm the fuck down. Another time she was having a meltdown complete with throwing furniture, hitting me, and screaming at the top of her lungs and I had to stick her in the crib, tell her I would be somewhere where I could hear her if she needed me, and I did some breaths alternating which nostril I held down and came back. It worked both times!
A little while later I remembered something a good friend and former coworker told me she does. When she was feeling particularly down or dragging for whatever reason, she would put on her cutest outfit, her favorite jewelry and a full face of makeup, and do whatever she needed to do. At the time I didn’t really get it- when I’m down it can feel sort of impossible to put on anything other than my rattiest sweats. And to be honest, putting on fancy clothes and full makeup still doesn’t appeal to me personally. But as I got ready for our orchard shit, I realized that putting on my favorite jeans and cute new boots, a little makeup to cover up how exhausted I was, was making me feel better. It might seem superficial, but putting on clothes that make you feel and look good can change the game. Even if it’s pajamas or sweats, putting on a clean, intentional outfit can be really refreshing. It’s a little bit “fake it til you make it”— and it works!
The four things that got me through the day:
My new Madewell lugsole boots
Complexion drops from Westman Atelier have coverage between a tinted moisturizer and foundation but don’t feel like a layer of makeup on your face.
I prefer listening to an album for the full emotional experience but while I’m getting ready or in and out of the car a playlist is where it’s at. Made this one for our Sukkot party and we’re still playing it!
Cooked one of my go-to quick, easy, healthy dinners using stuff I already had/in the freezer because meal planning/good grocery shopping is so hard when you’re in the thick of it. This can be cooked in one pan and is a complete meal in and of itself so no sides or extra dishes!
Easy Fried Rice
-onion (half or whole is fine) diced or chopped or however you want it in your mouth
-frozen carrots
-broccoli/cauliflower/literally any vegetable you like or have
-frozen peas
-cooked or frozen rice (shoutout to the bags of frozen rice you can find at most grocery stores and we try to keep stocked for most of our rice-based needs)
-optional meat (I also keep this cooked organic chicken as a staple- we use it for pasta, quesadillas, etc)
-optional egg or two
-sesame or olive oil for cooking
-soy sauce or Tamari
-toasted sesame oil
-optional rice wine vinegar
Heat oil and add onions. Cook until translucent.
Add any hard or frozen vegetables (except peas) and cook until soft.
Add rice and heat until thawed
Add chicken and peas if using
Season with soy/tamari to your liking
*can also add salt and pepper if you need
Create a well in the middle of your veggies and crack the egg(s) into it. Let cook until whites are just set, then scramble a bit, then incorporate into the rest of your dish
Add toasted sesame oil and rice wine vinegar- a little goes a long way!
Enjoy!